All work and no play

Howdy, y'all! I'm boring!

Seriously, I do nothing of interest. My time lately has been consumed with working on a case that has no answer. Fun! Also, eating lots of dried pineapple. The chewiness helps me think.

And so I am obsessed with dried pineapple, which I buy from Central Market. It's in the bulk bin section, which I have a love/hate relationship with. I love the selection and the fact that I can get as much or as little as I want. But I hate the grazers and the people who park themselves in front of the section that I need. I had to deal with both today. And also, everytime I tried to grab a piece of pineapple, the bin lid flipped down and slammed on my hand. It's not heavy, so it didn't hurt, but it was very, very annoying. And then I couldn't get the ziplock bag to close. I got a leetle angry about it. But I did not yell at anyone.

Maybe I should cut back on the coffee.

Hoho, I jest.

So, one of my coworkers, I've developed this Pavlovian response to him--we've taken so many coffee breaks together that now if I see him walking down the hall with a coffee mug in his hand, I am compelled to go get more coffee.

On a completely unrelated note, my hand has felt and weak and jittery, for lack of better descriptors, for the past two days. I do not know what that is about.

And about work. My boss has been working from home for the last six weeks, recovering from surgery. It has been awesome. I love being in charge of my own schedule, and by that, I mean I love knowing that I will be able to get work done during the day and not have to spend an hour looking at a clothing catalog talking about non-work things. I love that she's not a workaholic who demands that your every thought be about The Law, but I really would prefer to be in my office on Westlaw. Anyway, she'll be back in the office starting next week, and it will be good to see her, but I will miss being in control of my own time. I think I'm going to start doing a lot of work in the library.

So, moving on, we are trying to get the cat on a raw food diet. But we're starting him on cooked chicken first to get him used to eating chicken, and then we'll slowly move him over to raw chicken. It's kind of sad when your cat's food costs more than yours. The good news is, he likes it, mostly. But we also have to limit feeding him to just a few times a day rather than leaving food out for him all day, so by the time the morning comes, he's quite hungry. So he comes into my room (only mine--he doesn't bother RR) and meows at me. He also will stand on my pillow (because I hate that), or my bladder, or, you know, my neck. Whatever he thinks will get me out of bed. I don't like this new side to him. And then I get into this totally pathetic power struggle with him, wherein I cannot let him win or believe that his bugging me will work, and so I will stay in bed even longer just to spite him and prove to him that standing on my neck won't make me get up and feed him. And then I feel guilty because I know he's really hungry. But I am not reasonable when you wake me up in the morning, so then I have this internal debate with myself about whether I should get up or whether that would just encourage him. So because of this battle of wills that I'm imagining I'm having with my cat, I have been late to work almost every day for the past two weeks.

But so anyway, now my townhouse's downstairs frequently smells like chicken. I don't care for that. Tonight my sink had this very strange, hard to describe smell, like maybe oily metallic. . . chicken . . . peppers . . . sour cream . . . thing. (Ok, the sour cream and peppers were from my dinner, but the rest, I don't know). I didn't cook any chicken tonight, so I don't know why it smells like that.

And also, my trash can? Smells like vomit. SMELLS.LIKE.VOMIT. We've only had it for a few weeks, and I swear no one has thrown up in there. What the hell, y'all?

VOMIT.

And now back to work.

And so it continues

Others have started noticing the coffee brewing carelessness that’s rampant around here. My two coffee drinking buddies (one of whom has an office right by the break room and so has a great opportunity to solve this little mystery) noticed yesterday, without me even being in the room to point it out, that an empty coffee pot was stuck on the burning hot burner and left there to explode. Fortunately, they noticed it before the exploding part happened. We had a brief conversation trying to figure out why this is happening, how anyone who worked here couldn't know that empty coffee pot + heat source = bad things. One of said coworkers wondered if someone was “messing with us.” My thoughts exactly, my friend.

Of course, now that Someone has branched out and taken to leaving the little door to the butter section open in the refrigerator so that the stuff that’s in there (including a granola bar that’s been in there for at least a year) will go flying out if you open the refrigerator door to quickly. I close the section door, but when I come back later, it’s open again. And this morning, when I closed it, saving the old granola bar from certain expulsion? I noticed that someone had put an egg in there. An egg, y’all. I think it might be a boiled egg, but still. AN EGG. Tell me that someone isn’t messing with me.

At least one of my coffee buddies is humoring me and will close the butter section door whenever he sees it open. I don’t care if he’s doing it to mock me ("Hey, [JLR], I just want you to know that today, I saw that little door open, and I closed it. I'm defending you."), whatever, I’ll take it.

"Don't Let a Suitcase Full of Cheese Be Your Big Fork and Spoon"

I love movies, and I love television. I’ll watch just about anything but reality shows (I will watch some of those, but pretty much just the ones on Bravo, ANTM, and Celebrity Mole. Yes, Celebrity Mole. Shut up.). But although I don’t generally like movies that play to the lowest common denominator–I hate Dumb & Dumber, There’s Something About Mary, generally almost anything with Ben Stiller–I don’t only like art films. I’m not a snob. After all, I have a well-documented love for the movie Clue. But Clue is not the only movie that won’t win an Oscar that I’m not afraid to admit I love.

Five Movies I’m Not Ashamed to Love
1. Clue. Well, obviously this one was going on the list.
2. Troop Beverly Hills.
3. Overboard. RR and I like this movie so much that we watched the Korean t.v. series that was based on it (and we really liked that one, too).
4. Weekend at Bernie's. I know. But I love it. So shut up.
5. The ‘Burbs. “‘Bout a nine on the old tension scale, there, Rube.” I can’t explain how much I love this movie. Maybe it’s because I grew up in the suburbs and can relate to so much of this movie. Maybe it’s the great performance by Corey Feldman–yes, Corey Feldman. Maybe it’s because it has both Bruce Dern and Carrie Fisher. But whatever the reason, this movie has so many lines that my entire family quotes on a regular basis. "I've never seen that. I've never seen anyone drive their trash to the curb and then bang the hell out of it with a stick. I've never seen that." If this movie is on television, I am watching it.

And it’s not just movies. I’m not afraid to love tv shows that may or may not ever be a critical fave. For example, let’s take The Big Bang Theory. Ok, yes, I realize that this show isn’t Seinfeld. And when the previews came out, I thought it looked like the stupidest show ever. But it grew on me, starting with “The Big Bran Hypothesis.” Consider me a fan.

And speaking of television, you know how some movies you love but can only watch every once in a while, while others you could watch every week and never get tired of them (yep, I’m talking about Clue again)? I’m like that with certain episodes of television as well.

Just a few of my favorite t.v. episodes:
1. “The Key,” Yes, Prime Minister. To truly appreciate this episode, you have to have watched Yes, Prime Minister (preferably starting back when it was Yes, Minister) and develop an understanding of the relationship among the prime minister, Sir Humphrey, and Bernard. But even if you haven’t done that, you can still enjoy watching it. RR and I still say “people would see people” on a frequent basis. I’ve long wondered why someone didn’t take this show, tweak it, and launch it in the U.S. While the show is very British, I think the premise is sound and could definitely be made to work here with a little effort. We could use it.
2. “Baggage,” Everybody Loves Raymond. As I’ve previously stated, it’s worth watching the whole episode to see Patricia Heaton say, “If smells bothered me, I’d have left him a long time ago.” And of course, “Cheese. I love it, yet I used it as a weapon” and the title of this post (which RR and I quote quite often). We are always on the lookout for an opportunity to warn someone not to let a suitcase full of cheese be their big fork and spoon.
3. “The Big Bran Hypothesis,” The Big Bang Theory. "If you have time to lean, you have time to clean." Fabulous.
4. “The One Where No One’s Ready,” Friends. What’s not to love about this episode? There are many, many episodes of Friends that I could watch all the time, but this is at the top of my list. Picture Chandler saying, “It’s called ‘get up’” and see if you don’t want to go watch it right now.
5. “The One with the Embryos,” Friends. I think this one’s on the list of a lot of people. This is the trivia episode where Rachel and Monica lose their apartment to Chandler and Joey. I don't think I need to say anymore about it.

And finally, on the television news front, how am I just finding out about hulu? Ok, I found out about a few weeks ago or so and just ventured to look at it yesterday, but still! I love it! Who has two thumbs and is spending her evening watching old episodes of "The Office" and "Newsradio"? This gal.

I am getting work done. Really.

The things I notice about work don’t involve any actual work. Such as:

The building people have installed automatic flushing toilets that scare the beejebus out of me. It was especially scary the first time I went in there after they had done the install because I didn’t know they’d done it.

The coffee today tastes worse than ever. Didn’t really think that was possible.

My coworker recognizes my footsteps when I go past his door, which I do a lot because his office is right by the break room with the coffee. Apparently, the quickness of the steps and the clomping gives me away. Hey, I have stuff to do, I’m not going to stroll around the office. But I do wish I didn’t sound like an elephant in heels.

The other day, I couldn’t find the Pyrex measuring cup for me to microwave water to make my oatmeal. Several of my coworkers thought it was amusing how panicked I got. The ones that didn’t think it was funny? Also needed to microwave water for oatmeal. The same flavor, even. It’s both comforting and sad how similar some of us.

And, on a final note, there are very strange sounds coming from the ceiling right now. I’m mildly concerned. I would be more concerned, but I don’t want to have to get out of my chair.

I done bobbed my hair

Y’all, I copied RR and cut my hair. And I mean I really copied her, as in I took her with me to her stylist, pointed at her, and said, “I want that hair cut.” It’s not super short, a little past my chin, but it is a tiny bit shorter than RR’s. I think I like it. If I decide I don’t, it will grow back, so it’s no big deal, but I would prefer to definitely like it. I won't know how I feel about it until a few days from now when the new hair cut magic wears off and it starts misbehaving again.

But two people have told me that cutting that much off was “brave.” I . . . don’t know how to take that. Brave because some women don't like to cut their hair? Or brave because maybe it’s not for me? Is it like when my grandmother says something is “interesting”? I just don’t know how to take it when someone sees your new haircut and tells you it was brave for you to get it. But I don't see how it can be good.

On a related note, I broke my round hairbrush last night. I didn’t even notice it at first, I just noticed that it seemed like the handle was a little loose, and the bristles weren’t gripping my hair like they should. Turns out that the handle separated from the bristle part. I tried to hold the two pieces together to dry my hair, but, alas, that does not work so much. This is what happens when you buy the much, much cheaper hairbrush because “why should I spend more money on a hairbrush?” and “how much different can they be?”

And even though my hair is shorter, it takes no less time to dry and style. Boooooo.

A Telegram

Darlings comma what do you think question mark Have bought sewing machine with RR stop Am so thrilled stop Resolved will be successful comma not like photography or horseback lessons stop Feeling so very "Project Runway" right now stop Fabulous full stop

Why again with the sick?

AGAIN I am sick, this time with a cold. RR's cold. I know she didn't infect me on purpose, and mine didn't get as bad as hers. Hers includes a lovely sinus infection, fever, and the absolute inability to sleep at night at all or for more than a few hours at a time during the day, plus she has so much school work and work work to do that she can't just lay around feeling sorry for herself, which everyone knows is how you get well.

But still! I haven't been able to stay asleep at all for the past five nights, the first four because I kept waking up every few hours to sneeze A LOT and then had trouble getting back to sleep, and last night because I had to go to the bathroom EVERY HOUR, except from 2am-3am. I knew when I was drinking all that water that it would be a mistake, but I figured I'd maybe have to wake up once. Wrong!

Of course, on the upside, when I've woken up at night, at least there's someone to talk to. I'd wake up, sneeze a whole bunch, grumble "you got to be kidding me," and hear a friendly but incredibly sad hello from RR's room.

Most of my congestion has settled on the right side of my head, so it's a little puffy on that side (no, rr and hmc, I did not eat a lot of peanut butter), and also, with all that pressure, my teeth feel like they are about to fall out of my head and my face feels like it's about to just break open. Oh, it hurts. And my precious neti pot can only do so much. I will spare you the details about what's been coming out of my nose.

Today at work, my coworker who is on maternity leave brought her incredibly adorable 2-month old baby for us to see, and everyone got to hold her but me, because I am Contaminated.

I've been eating copious amounts of salsa and tilting my head a lot to the left in the hopes of moving stuff around to ease the pressure. Of course, that makes me sneeze, and also, it's hard to read stuff on your computer screen with your head tilted as far as you can, which makes work slow. So . . . I don't know. All I know is that it's 9pm and I'm really thirsty, so I'm about to go drink a lot of water. So, tonight is shaping up to be great!

But at least I'm not RR. I am complaining because I hate being sick and also because my teeth really, really hurt, my nose is really chapped, and I have to constantly carry around a tissue lest I sneeze something gross on people (people do not forgive you for that) (and then I'd always be that woman who sneezed on them) ("Oh, yeah, I know her. She sneezed on me once. Just sneeeeeezed right on me."). But I know it could be a lot worse (See RR), so I'm also grateful that it's just this bad. But I do feel like I've already served my ear, nose, and throat illness time this year, so I really should have gotten a pass on this one, and on that issue I do think I have a valid point. So, I'll just wrap this up by saying that if I get a similar illness again in the next few months, somebody will take the blame. So just look out.

I wish I had something interesting to say, but I don't

Hey, y'all. How is every little thing?

I don't have anything exciting to post, so I'm just going to do a hodge-podge. Let's see, first off, today I bought a Jellycat brand Bartlesham Bear for a friend who's wife just had a baby (well, technically the bear is for the baby). This bear was so soft, and made in just the right proportions that I almost couldn't part with him. I wanted to keep him and carry him around everywhere. Le sigh. Parting was such sweet sorrow.

Speaking of buying things, yesterday RR and I went to the Dillard's Clearance Center, and we cleaned up. Like all clearance outlet type places, it's always hit-or-miss shopping there, but yesterday, they had TONS of cute stuff. It was hard to narrow down my purchases. Plus, it was an extra 40% off weekend. Score! RR got a super cute silk shirt that was originally $149—she got it for $16.75. Nothing that I bought was over $10. It was a good day. They even had lots of cute shoes—I almost never get there when they have shoes in my size that are worth buying. I wish that we'd had time to go back today.

Friday night, we ran into a friend at Whole Foods, and she invited us to come over and hang out. She and her husband and kids live about a mile or two down the road, but we hardly ever hang out. It was great to see her—she's really one of the funniest people I've ever met. And . . . she has a Wii. And she let us play it. Bowling and tennis were both fun. And athough it pains me to say this, I must: Guitar Hero is awesome. There. I can hate myself now. Not awesome: I have had Foghat's “Slow Ride” stuck in my head since Friday. I like the song, or I did (and here I profess my affinity for classic rock), but it's driving me crazy. Slow ride. Take it ease-ee.

Also not awesome: our local PBS station is not showng “Emma” tonight. Instead, we get some Sarah Brightman concert or something. Do not want! I really don't like those pledge drives. Show me something I'd actually watch, and I'll donate. Play Daniel O'Donnell or Andre Rieu, and I'm just changing the channel. No offense meant to them, but that's not stuff I tune into PBS to watch—and PBS doesn't seem to play those guys anytime other than pledge drives. I remember back in the old days when they showed things like “Anne of Green Gables” during pledge drives. I'd totally donate if they showed “Anne of Green Gables.“

And that's really all I have to say.