It's not waterboarding, but it *feels* like torture

Y'all, one of my coworkers likes to sing at people. This is one of my pet peeves. Yes, I have a lot of them. I don't have a problem with someone singing in general. A person who sings while she works or is walking around or looking at a menu or whatever is a happy person with a song in her heart. But that's not what's going on here.

Like, say, we're sitting at a table in a restaurant, and she wants to tell you about a song that you aren't familiar with. She'll sing it at you. The whole thing. Like you bought a ticket for the performance. She likes to put on a show. She's not concerned with whether you want to hear it, just about whether she wants you to hear it. Normally the show is directed at me, but we took our intern to lunch the other day, and she got to be the recipient.

And I really didn't want to listen to my coworker, even if she wasn't singing, because what I really wanted to do was eavesdrop on the only other table there. This is because as we were being seated, I heard one guy at that table say to the other, "I shouldn't even be telling you this." You know that whatever they were talking about was way more interesting than what we were talking about. And definitely more interesting than the one woman show going on.

Of course, she did buy us coffee on the way back to work. But she also made us listen to a cd that she had playing VERY LOUDLY. And if we weren't paying enough attention and instead started trying to talk to each other, she'd say, "Oh, this is a great song," and then turn it up louder. My ears, y'all. MY EARS. I could not make eye contact with my other coworker, because she knows I don't like being sung at or forced to listen to music, and I knew she'd give me a knowing look that might lead to an uncomfortable discussion with the singer/music oppressor. I mean, my music oppressive coworker is nice, and I get that she's excited about music, but this just happens to be a major pet peeve of mine, and it . . . flames . . . on the side of my face.

But the coffee was nice.

Speaking of music, don't you love the song "A Hundred Hearts" from the Swimmers new album (currently streaming on their website)? RR and I have it on repeat. Very catchy. Now, see, if my coworker had been blasting that, I wouldn't have had a problem with it. Except that she made the poor Starbucks barista shout so that she could hear him over her music, so never mind. That's just rude.

Avast, me hearties!

It be that day again!

Minor Annoyances

This past Saturday, I marched into Sephora in a fit of what I was thinking was optimism but more accurately could be described as temporary insanity and demanded that the sales associate give me a recommendation for idiot-proof liquid eyeliner. Ha! RR and I were going to an art exhibit that night, so maybe I thought it would make me seem more arty? Anyway, they were out of stock of the sales associate's favorite, but not to be deterred, I ignored my better judgment and purchased her second favorite with, despite very clear and helpful instructions, predictable results. Thank goodness for qtips and eye makeup remover.

In other news, there are lots and lots of dead little gnats all over my bathroom. This gives rise to three questions: (1) where is the security breach, i.e., how are they gaining entrance, (2) for what purpose are they here, and (3) WHY ARE THEY ALL DEAD? Are they coming in to die?

Speaking of gnats, this happened:

Clearly crazy.*

I really don't know what to day, other than this: doesn't it look like her face was just poorly photoshopped into the hideousness? That's how bad this outfit is. It's not daring, it's just sad. And also: I think I need to go into the business of celebrity stylist because clearly some people will wear anything.


*(credit where credit is due: this photo is from gofugyourself)

In a way, it's funny, but mostly I am appalled

At the mall this weekend, a sales associate thought that my twin sister was my daughter.


This is the second time that this has happened.

Eau dear.

The other day, one of my coworkers told me that the elevator in the parking garage had smelled like urine that morning. “Like, seriously bad,” she said, wrinkling her nose. There are two elevators in the parking garage, and I didn’t notice any smell in the one I had taken. I got to work only a few minutes before her. I don’t know if she rode on the same elevator that I had taken that morning.

On the way from my car to the elevator, I sprayed some perfume on myself.

And now I’m wondering if my perfume smells like urine.

Needless to say, I didn't ask her about it.

Toilets, Babies, and Starbufee

Yesterday, the automatic toilet flushing mechanisms thought they'd have a little fun with me. On three separate trips to the bathroom, the toilet flushed whilst I was still upon it. Three separate times. Fortunately, I wasn't in the middle of anything other than my usual o.c.d. arranging of the t.p., so I was able to jump up, but still. Ew.

In other news, BF/R is having a baby in a few short weeks, and I still haven't bought a present for her. Because I suck. Also, I am majorly indecisive. But mostly, I suck.

And, finally, to conclude this short post about nothing much interesting, a friend of mine gave me a Starbuffee gift card as a thank you for doing her a favor, and she put way too much money on it. It makes me feel guilty because it wasn't that big of a favor. That being said, it's awfully handy. I love it when people subsidize my habit. But is it weird that when I went there with her today, I couldn't bring myself to use the card in front of her? As though using the card would somehow convey to her that I didn't appreciate the gesture, that I took her nice thought for granted? Yeah, I guess it's weird. Hmm. I will have to make sure to use the card the next time we go.

Project Runway Excitement!

Project Runway is back! Project Runway is back!

No, not the original Project Runway.* Project Runway Australia.

So excited.

*Please note that I'm not knocking the original, which I love obsessively. But season 1 of PR Australia didn't have a Wendy Pepper, Jeffrey, Santino, or Kenley in the final three, so in a way, it was far, far superior to the U.S. version.