Thursday, June 23, 2005

I couldn't fix your brakes, so I made your horn louder

I admit that I suffer from road rage. I think that most people do, and why should I be any different. But it’s only certain things that set me off. For instance, people who are too good to wait in lines (bozos) and those people who accommodate the bozos (idiots). I do not like it when someone waits until the last minute to get over into the lane he needs to be in because he doesn’t want to wait behind the long line of cars already in that lane. I do not like it when the bozo honks and gestures angrily at me when I don’t let him over, like I have some sort of legal or moral obligation to do so, even if letting him over would mean he would get to make it through the light while I did not. I do not like the idiot in front of me who lets that bozo get in the lane. I had to deal with that this morning, although I didn’t get to be Freeway Enforcer. Freeway Enforcer is what my sister and I call ourselves when we take it upon ourselves to force someone else to obey traffic laws. We try not to do it, because we don’t to get shot. But I digress. I did not get to be Freeway Enforcer and keep the bozos in their lanes. Some idiot let them over.

When I’m driving to work, on one of the roads there is this one lane that’s closed.
Yet every day, I see someone zooming down that lane until they get to the orange cones, at which point they force their way into the other lane. This angers me. I refuse to believe that the drivers don’t know the lane is closed. Besides the “land closed” signs, you can see the orange cones up ahead very clearly. Plus, use common sense. If there are two lanes of traffic completely stacked with cars, and there’s another lane completely devoid of cars, do you really think there’s not a good reason why no one else is in that lane? And then of course, some idiot lets them over, so I don’t even get the satisfaction of not letting them over. And then I get on the freeway, where it’s more of the same.

I also don’t like it when people drive on the shoulder of the freeway because they don’t want to deal with the line of traffic merging onto the freeway.
So they just take the shoulder and then cut someone off. It never occurs to them that they are the reason there’s a line to get onto the freeway. My sister and I used to carpool, and we always meant to have an extra cup of coffee in the car so that we could throw it at them as they drove by, but we couldn’t bring ourselves to waste coffee like that. I knew a guy that would drive partially on the shoulder to keep them from getting by. They’d honk at him and get mad, and he’d say to them (though of course they couldn’t hear him), “oh, you’re mad at me for driving on the shoulder? Do you see why that’s funny?”

I’m afraid I’m going to turn into my sister, who at one time used her horn way too often.
The least little thing would set her off, and she’d lay on the horn. Seriously, take the slightest bit too long to turn, and she was letting you know about it. One day she decided she needed to learn to relax. “I’m too honk-y,” she said. “Perhaps you should say you’re too honk-ish,” I told her.

I don’t want to become too honk-ish.
I think I need to always live within walking distance of everything.


Ben said...

Oooh... the spite in between the lines of this post.

Too honk-y... LOL. Funny... Honkish doesn't do the phrase justice.

Katie said...

I am a shoulder protector, my title for stopping the teenage boy who thinks the shoulder is his personal gateway to freedom. I have been known to drive halfway in the lane and halfway on the shoulder to prevent his person from whipping ahead of the line and cutting in front of some schmo who has not driving guts. I also scream, ALOT when I drive and make wild hand gestures when people are driving like the idiots their alter egos are.

Amstaff Mom said...

Take comfort in the fact that there are at least two additional Freeway Enforcers on the Texas highways. We just handle the northern sector. The hubby and I too hug the shoulder when we see the "cheaters" whiz by oblivious to the rules of the road. The hubby's line whenever the traffic snarls is "o.k., who was stupid" He is convinced that any type of wreck or traffic is caused by someone being stupid, and he is probably correct, with the exception of construction. There is also a certain stop sign where people try to merge onto Business 121. You can either go straight across, or turn right to go north. It is two lanes prior to the stop sign, but a 3rd lane begins immediately to the right of the stop sign. People refuse to turn even though there is a brand new lane there with no traffic. They just sit at the stop sign with all the time in the world on their hands and wait until the highway is completely clear. It is MADDENING. So, they get the hubby- honk. Everyday. without fail. Will they ever learn? I'm done now.

Jennboree said...

Okay, I'm about to fess up to something but I'll not give any descriptions of my vehicle in case the Freeway Enforcer is on duty while I'm on the road.

I HATE waiting in the long line of cars when there's a good mile to go before the lane ends. *cringe*

I think that long line is there because people see that a lane will close and freak out, getting immediately in the other lane thus causing a 10 mile one-lane backup while a perfectly good and usable lane is open till the cones force everybody over.


As for the shoulder-huggers...I learned not to do that when an impatient bong-i-tong-c-hong decided to play chicken and zoom down the shoulder, nearly ripping off the side of my vehicle. Now I just curse and wish them a lifetime of flat tires.

Amanda Sue said...

it took me MINUTES to figure out what the hong-e-long-long that meant, jenn!

okay - one time i found myself driving down a busy road in a lane ALL BY MYSELF. traffic in the other lanes was totally stopped on both sides of the road, yet i was traveling at a normal speed.

it was only when i caught up to the hearse that i realized the reason for the impeded traffic.

Amanda Sue said...

also, if people try to pass me on the right, i anally cut them off so they are forced to obey the passing on the left rule.

obey the rules guys! please!

Jennboree said...

There's a rule about passing on the left? Ooooops.

RR said...

Oh, Amanda Sue, something like that happened to me once! I was visiting JLR when she lived in Austin, and as I exited the freeway, I tried to get into the right hand lane because I needed to turn right at that intersection. No one would let me over. "People in Austin are so rude!" I thought. It wasn't until I cut into the line that I realized that all the cars were turning into the funeral home at the corner.


At least it wasn't as bad as the time I thought I had gotten myself onto a highway still under construction.

JLR said...

Btw, Ben, thanks for being the only person who got the "honk-y" comment. It was very funny to me at the time. As usual, more funny to me than to others. :)

Katie said...

I go the honk-y comment but Ben stole my thunder, Sinky Thunder Stealer is what i call him.

Amanda Sue - I gladly use the pass on the left rule when some IDIOT isn't driving in the left lane going 10 miles under the speed limit, or worse pacing the car in the middle lane causing a wall of frustration.

JLR said...

Katie--he does that to me! He's very stealthy. I seriously think he's monitoring what I type somehow. Then he steals my material and posts it before I have a chance.