Friday, June 17, 2005

You can lead a girl to the sportswear section, but you can't make her jog

I have a diet buddy now, and I’m not happy about it. I was happy at the time, but now, like all addicts, I’m resenting the fact that someone is going to keep tabs on me. I’m being pretty irrational about it. That’s probably a good sign that I need a diet buddy, but whatever. Here’s what happened. I’ve been trying to eat better, ever since I noticed last year that I can’t fit into most of my clothes, and one day it occurred to me that I couldn’t remember the last time I’d gone a day without eating some kind of junk food. Being smart, I made the connection between those two thoughts. So I figured out that I had a problem, and as G.I. Joe says, “knowing is half the battle.” What a load of you-know-what THAT turned out to be. I KNOW I have bad eating habits, and I KNOW that’s why I have no energy and can’t fit into my clothes, and I KNOW I’m still having fried chicken for dinner tonight.

My sister and I were going to be diet buddies, but that didn’t work out. We quickly realized that neither of us felt bad about indulging if we could get the other one to crack first. So it became one of those situations involving shifty side-ways glances and conversations designed to imply, “hey, if you want to stop at Krispy Kreme, I won’t think badly of you,” each of us secretly eyeing the other to see if she was about to cave. So the other night, after going for a jog (good, I suppose, except that I was miserable the whole time, doused in DEET but still SURE that I was being eaten alive--why, why, WHY did we stop spraying with DDT?) and then eating half a bag of Reese’s peanut butter cups (very, very bad), I realized that I really, really, really have to stop doing that, and I won’t do it unless somebody makes me.

So yesterday, Jes said she’d be my diet buddy. And I was going to the cookie place today to pick up some muffins (for someone else! Not for me!), so I told Jes I was NOT going to buy any cookies while I was there, and she said she’d ask me later if I had. So I couldn’t buy any. Now I’m getting all snarly about it. I mean, I’m thinking about those magic cookies, and I’m going to keep thinking about them all day. They go so well with coffee. Every time I take a sip of my coffee, I’ll be thinking ‘I could be eating a cookie right now,’ which is a lie, because I’d have eaten all the cookies (how ever many I’d bought) on the way to work, so I wouldn’t have had any to go with my coffee in any case. But still. Stupid diet.

But you can't make me exercise! I'm not going outside! West Nile, people!

11 comments:

jes said...

so, did you manage to avoid the HEROIN cookies this morning when picking up the muffins?

inquiring minds want to know. :)

MsThang said...

Oh lord I hate those bugs, and even more I hate DIETING! But unfortunately I am on the "lifestyle change" band wagon too.

When I was stationed in Cuba we had these communist mosquitoes that were huge and resistant to EVERYTHING. And then on top of that they would swell up the size of a quarter so you were forced to walk around with about a million (just on the legs alone) quarter sized mosquitoe bites.

Jennboree said...

You mean if people don't see you eating the junk food, you really DID still eat it?

Dang it.

Ben said...

GI JOE says that??

I feel bad for you... I just scarfed down a big chocolate chip cookie.

Oh... and if you think Mosquitos are bad in Texas... Come to Minnesota... then you will know what Mosquitos are... we have Mosquitos the size of baby pelicans up here. (Okay... not really, but can't you imagine a Mosquito that big sucking on you?)

Jennboree said...

I like the Tobasco commercial where the mosquito takes a slurp from the arm of a dude who just ate pizza with Tobasco and the mosquito blew up.

Perhaps you should add Tobasco to your new diet?

Night Flier said...

Dieting...it does suck...do what I did, no junk food in the house. So I have to actually go out if I want it. And I just came to a point of acceptance. I accept that in the winter I put on 10lbs and in the summer I loose it.

JLR said...

I really wanted the cookies, and I still want them (as evidenced by how many times I've talked about them today), but I didn't have any. I suppose I should be grateful that I don't live in Cuba or Minnesota and quit complaining about the diet. But that's not going to happen.

jes said...

cuba and minnesota. good geographical comparisons to texas.

Greg - Cowboy in the Jungle said...

HAH! I loved this. good stuff.

SeizeTheNite said...

West Nile...Now I have an excuse to use next time I don't want to jog...

Jes sent me, by the way. :)

Amanda Sue said...

okay, putting two and two together for you...

if you get bit by enough mosquitos, maybe they will suck all that "extra" blood out of you, causing you to lose weight. then you will have to eat some cookies for energy. then you will be happy, skinny, and covered in welts. but beautiful.

came by way of jes. :)