Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Apartments I Have Had, Part 2a

[this post is very long, so I'm breaking it into three subparts for easy reading]

July 4th is my second favorite holiday after Christmas. I love everything about it—what we’re celebrating, the food, the fireworks, all of it. Unfortunately, this year, the day was nicht so gut. It involved too much sweating, and we all know how I feel about that.

Here’s the thing. I can’t pick out apartments. I may have previously mentioned that I can’t pick out men, either, but them you can give up. But you know, maybe it’s not me. Maybe all apartments are ticking time bombs—maybe they are all seem ok on the outside, but sooner or later, they’re going to get water-damaged and moldy. Like men.

Yeah, ok, I’m not sure how good that analogy is. But if you look closely, you can see a point. Point is [and here, Amstaff Mom and impatient bee are thinking “there’s one bullet left, and guess who gets it”], appearances can be deceiving.

Not all of my apartment experiences were bad. My first apartment out of school, I was living with Kara and Valerie in a place called The Bee Cave. The apartment itself was fine. I especially liked the name, because we could say, “To the Bee Cave!” and then sing the Batman music that always followed Batman’s “To the bat cave!” We thought it was pretty cool. Ok, *I* thought it was pretty cool. [RR: Also, we could refer to your car as "the beemobile." "Quick! To the Beemobile!" That was also pretty cool.]

We lived next door to a stripper. She was very sweet, but not terribly educated, and she had NO tact whatsoever. One thing that never fails to leave me speechless is bad manners. That girl was constantly leaving me stumped as to how to reply to what was coming out of her mouth. It was never anything purposefully insulting, you understand. I know how to handle that. It was just things like, well, like this—one time we’re sitting in her apartment talking, I think about some television show that’s on. She’s not looking at me more intently than usual or anything, but out of nowhere she says to me, “You are pretty.” The way she said it made it sound like it had been a topic of discussion or that we’d been arguing about it. Or she and someone else had been arguing about it. Or she had previously thought I was very unattractive, but now, with the lighting just so, at a certain angle, if she squints, she can see that I am pretty, in a unique sort of way. I didn’t know what to say, I was too surprised. I think I managed to get out a “thank you” and a nervous laugh. I did a lot of nervous laughing around her.

But she meant well, and she really was very sweet. One night I lent her some shoes to wear on a date with her much older boyfriend, and as collateral she insisted on giving me some very tall wooden platform shoes which I would have never worn in public even if you paid me, or rather, unless you were paying me, if you get my drift, and after she returned my shoes she insisted I keep the collateral.

Me: Oh! [nervous laugh]. Um, are you sure?

She was really very sweet.

So that apartment was ok. But I didn’t pick it out, so I guess it still supports my theory that I can’t pick out apartments.


Ben said...

To the Bee Cave...
To the Bee Mobile...

That's funny. ;)

Amstaff Mom said...

My own personal reference in the middle of the posting! OK, it was shared with impatient bee, but I appreciated just the same. And I definitely got your drift on the paying-you-for-the-shoes thing. HA! Again, I feel like I missed out on apartment living. At least for blogging topics.

JLR said...

Ben: you have to do the batman music, too. That's what really made it fun.

AM: I fixed the reference so that it's a link now. And you definitely missed out on apartment living. It has been a defining experience in my life.

MsThang said...

Hahah, I loved the part about "To the Bee cave.. to the bee mobile" dduh duh duh.. Batman! lol. Totally something I would do and say (probably with some sort of Batman-esque dance that would embarass all ;)