Tuesday, August 02, 2005

You freak is such

One time, my friend Hills (Hillary), RR and I decided it would be fun to use an internet translator to translate something from English into another language, and then from that language into another language, and then back into English, to see what it would come up with. Naturally Hills decided that she would translate “you are such a freak,” since that’s what she says to me almost daily. It came back “you freak is such.” So now, sometimes, just to mix it up, she says that instead.

I suppose she has good reason. I am both a freak and a nerd. That makes me a . . . frerd? A neak? Hmm. We’ll go with “unique.”

I was telling jes only today about how suggestible I am in terms of getting grossed out. It happens very easily, and it stays with me a long time. Just now I went into the kitchen area to get some coffee, and there was a repairman up on a ladder, and as he lifted his hands over his head, his shirt came up and I saw his belly. Now I don't want my coffee.

I must be a difficult person to be around. For one thing, I come with a lot of baggage. Literally. I carry a lot of stuff around with me. You know how in Sleepless in Seattle, Meg Ryan and Bill Pullman are sitting on their bed doing their nightly routine of sprays and Kleenexes, etc? That’s totally me. I have a bottle of nasal spray with me everywhere I go. In fact, I have allergy spray AND saline spray. Tissues? Yeah, got that too. Chapstick of some sort, always. If I even hear someone taking the top off of their tube of chapstick, my lips instantly go dry. Oh, and hand lotion. I cannot function without the hand lotion. If get stuck somewhere without it, and heaven forbid I have to touch some sort of paper product, I just flip out. I have been known to throw a stack of paper away from me and scream “I can’t do it!”

Speaking of flipping out, I can’t walk around the house barefoot. I cannot stand the feel of carpet on my bare feet. Consequently, I wear flip flops. If I get out of the shower and discover I forgot to bring in my flip flops, which means I’ll have to walk around the apartment looking for them, I panic. I then run around looking for them—literally running, so as to make sure that my feet touch the ground for as short a time as possible. Most of the time, though, I yell for my sister, who for some reason tolerates this behavior. It’s gotten to the point where all I have to do is call her name, and she can hear the panic in my quivering voice. “Hang on,” she says, both resignation and humor. I don’t even have to say what it is I’m looking for—she just knows.

But I like to think that we all have our little "quirks." So now it's your job to make me feel better about myself by telling me some of yours.


Ben said...

"If I get out of the shower and discover I forgot to bring in my flip flops, which means I’ll have to walk around the apartment looking for them, I panic. I then run around looking for them—literally running, so as to make sure that my feet touch the ground for as short a time as possible. "

All I can say is:
you freak is such


Ben said...

Quirks... hmmm... thinking... Sydney could tell you my quirks...

One that comes to mind is that each morning I apply exactly 12 swipes of deoderant under each armpit. Why 12? I have no Idea... if 11 works, what can one more hurt?

JLR said...

your second comment proves what I was going to say to your first, which is "it takes one to know one," or as the expression goes in English-German-French-English-
Portugese-English, "it makes the examination, to know."

that's much weirder than my aversion to carpets. thanks for sharing.

JLR said...

as if to prove a point, my friend H and I just had an e-mail exchange talking about school bells at UT, and I thought she meant the bell tower. This is how she responded: "not the bell tower. freak."

Ok, guys, all 7 of you--ben is NOT the only weirdo out there. Let's hear from the rest of you. Come on, how can we ever become close if you won't share?

Amstaff Mom said...

HA HA! A "neak". That's a new, but good one. Oh, JLR, we all have our quirks, have no fear. Unfortunately for me, mine are known by my brother-in-laws who I carpool with and torment me on a daily basis. It's a tag-team operation they're running. Here are three quirks, in no particular order.

1. I can't walk on the tile in the morning flat footed. I guess my feet have an aversion to tile as yours do to carpet. Unfortunately, I'm not adept enough to remember to take my slippers to the bathroom so instead I walk around on the outside edges of my feet. I do this without realizing it, and only in the morning.

2. I tuck my hands under my neck when I sleep. This causes a.)my face to break out b/c it produces enough oil to compete w/ some Arab countries. and b.) my hands to have a severe case of carpal tunnel. So, I sleep with two stuffed animals - both dogs, one gray, one brown. Holding them keeps my wrists straight and away from my pores. (you see why I get tormented?)

3. I carry "luggage" with me everyday to work. This causes comments such as this morning's,
"where's bags 3-5?" Since I ONLY had my purse and gym bag, as opposed to my purse, gym bag, lunch, and Bath & Body Works bag that contained a book, etc.

You are not alone, my friend. Not alone.

Katie said...

JLR - You make me smile everytime I read your posts.

Quickly to Ben - 12, twelve swipes of deoderant. hello who needs twelve swipes of deoderant? You must run through a tube each week.

Hmmm my quirks. Well I disdain all things soggy (bread especially). I would rather go barefoot then in shoes any ol day but that is not a quirk just more of a letting you know.

Hmm I will think more and comment later.

Amstaff Mom said...

C'mon Katie, we need more info! There's got to me more than an aversion to CornNuts.

steve said...

Ok. THIS IS AWESOME! At my old job we had an office ad min that sent us WAAAAAAY too many emails during the day. We started google translating them to spanish to french and back to english and then sending them to each other. I thought i was the only one!!

God is good

(translated that would be)

Authorization. It IMPRESSIVE CEst! In my goaf we had one minute of advertisement of the office which also sent to WAAAAAAY us much of the email during the day. We began the google with which the French Spaniard and English still translated with and after they sent that to the other. I thought that it was the single one! God is good

steve said...

notice that the only thing that remains unchanged "God is good"

Hmmm... think about THAT one

JLR said...

steve: you said it--that's AWESOME. It just confirms my theory that, other than the fact that you're a guy, and you live in Oregon, and you're an extrovert, we are exactly the same person. Of course, I've thought similar things about Ben and jes, too. I guess birds of a feather and all that. FABulous.

And that's is so cool that "God is good" did not change. I'd say "things that make you go hmm," except I HATE that expression, almost as much as I hate the expression "bling."

Oh, yea. We can now have translation fun ALL THE TIME.

But I notice that you side-stepped the "odd things about me" query.

AM: hmm. maybe people with similar initials have a thing about feet and flooring? And a lot of "luggage?"

Katie: we're waiting . . .
also, question--you don't like cornnuts, but how do you feel about other road trip food. Combos, for instance.

RR said...

I won't eat anything that lands on the counter. (I live in an apartment. I have no way of knowing what disgusting things were done to the counters before I got here, and no amount of scrubbing will ever make them clean enough.)

steve said...

When I get nervous I sing the Commodores song "Easy"... does that count?

I sing it in Spanish??

Amstaff Mom said...

"Therefore I am simply, simple as Sunday mornings"

English - French - German - English

Anonymous said...

I'll share a crazy quirk of mine. When eating dinner at home, or even at a restaurant, I can't STAND to have any of the different foods touching. Fries must NOT touch the burger, salad must NOT touch the bread, etc. I'm so weird. My husband just rolls his eyes and pretends to ignore me. But really, I could never be one of those old(er) guys at the church potluck that just piles stuff on their plates. EW!!! Chocolate cake with your mashed potatoes?! NO, THANK YOU!

JLR said...

steve: yes, I would think that counts (one wonders if you sing it in job interviews and on first dates). But now I have that song stuck in my head. And no kidding, I just got it out of my head a few days ago.

AM: :) See? So much fun. I think the "therefore" is my favorite part of that one.

ben: it occurs to me that if you're putting on that much deoderant every morning, then I'm not the only one that doesn't care for sweating.

Oh, and earlier I meant to say "that's so cool," not "that's is so cool"

JLR said...

jacks: I have a friend who's the same way. Personally, I think a lot of things taste better with mashed potatoes. French fries, for instance. But some things should not mix--pickle juice, for example, with anything else.

So, do you buy those compartmentalized plates? Or do you just put all your food on different plates?

Amstaff Mom said...

I like my uncle's mashed potatoes with peas. And I like Boston Market's mashed potatoes with their corn. I am SO quirky sometimes. You bring out the best in me, JLR.

And I must say that I am so excited to see you commenting first thing this morning. This will be a good day indeed.

Ben said...

I have no problem with sweating... I just have a phobia of my deoderant wearing out which would make people think I didn't put any on... or worse yet... that I have a BO problem.

Anonymous said...

I just use regular plates, but I take smaller portions, and then go back for seconds. So I'm really getting the same amount of food, but in a really obnoxious way.

Katie said...

Ok here we go . . .

JLR: I will now start multi-translating all my office memos.

Ben: What is the anticipated length of longevity for each swipe of deoderant?

Steve: I am laughing OUT LOUD at your quirk, laughing en espanol no less also.

Jacks: Me too.

I must apply chapstick right before I go to bed at night and immediatly upon waking up. I must also do the same with hand lotion.

I share Jacks disdain for food mixing, I think it relates to my hatred of soggy bread. I own a cafeteria lunch plate that some friends bought me at Wal-Mart. It's hot pink.

Ok I know there are too many more to count but since I am having problems with my coffee this morning I am not too quick on the start up.

JLR said...

You guys are making me feel better about myself. Really. I appreciate it.

Amanda Sue said...

i love this! where have i been?

um... quirks... i can only eat bananas sliced with a knife. if they are broken or bitten, they make me gag.

i, too, have a nightly routine that involves:

-contact removal
-glasses placement
-hand lotion on hands
-neosporin on any wounds/blemishes
-carmex on lips
-two vitamins + one swig of water
-one tylenol (as needed) + one additional swig of water
-pressing the alarm button on my clock twice to check the time (twice)
-glasses removal
-reading lamp turned off

RR said...

Oh, Amanda Sue and Katie, I can relate! I also put on chapstick and lotion right before going to bed. I also use eyedrops each morning and night, but that's related more to having dry eyes and not so much a quirk.

Ben, seriously, 12? 12?!?!?

That Easy song is now stuck in my head, and I only know the one line. Booooo.

JLR said...

AS: your nightly routine sounds REMARKABLY similar to mine. I also am a twice checker.

I just had a thought. What if me, RR, Amanda Sue, AM, and Katie all had a sleep over? Can you picture all the chapsticking, hand lotioning, eye drop applying? Can you imagine the amount of luggage we'd have to bring just to get through the night? No pillow fights or girlish hijinks for us, no sir. We'd be too busy looking for my flip-flops.
I can hear the conversations now:
"Um, can we turn out the lights now please?"
"sure. Um, did you check the alarm clock again?"
"I think so, but I'll check again."
"I can't turn out the lights, my hands are too greasy from the lotion."
"My hands are dry, I'll get it right after I take my vitamins. Wait, has anyone seen my carmex?"
"Who took my stuffed dog?!!!"

RR said...

Easy Like Sunday Morning...
Easy Like Sunday Morning...
Easy Like Sunday Morning...
Easy Like Sunday Morning...
Easy Like Sunday Morning...

This is what is going through my mind. Since it was JLR and Steve who got this stuck in my head, and inflicting it back on them.

Of course, now I'm thinking of James Thurber's, "My Life and Hard Times" ("Ate some burnt hoss flesh...ate some burnt hoss flesh...").

Easy Like Sunday Morning...
Easy Like Sunday Morning...
Easy Like Sunday Morning...
Easy Like Sunday Morning...
Easy Like Sunday Morning

JLR said...

rr-great transition, actually--I'm drafting a thurber post.

Amstaff Mom said...

OH MY GOSH!!!! You have no idea how hard I was trying to laugh quietly, JLR. With no success, mind you. I literally have tears pouring out my eyes. That conversation was HILARIOUS!!!! If I were to call you right now, I would be busting out laughing on the phone. At first I was thinking, "A slumber party! What a fun idea!!!" and then I began to read.

We'd be looking for both your flip-flops AND my pink, terry-cloth slippers.

Too much lotion for the alarm clock! HA HA HA!

I DIED laughing at the "who took my stuffed dog" line. That was it for me. Busted.Out.Laughing.

And to think, I almost didn't go back and read the comments to this posting. MAN, I would have missed out. This is your best. Ever. (it's a close competition though)