Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Ok, I’ll say one more thing about finals, and then I’ll stop complaining. Here, anyway (rr, sorry, you still have to hear about it). This is what’s so frustrating—you kill yourself all semester trying to learn something that is totally foreign to you, then, just when you think you will crack if you don’t get a break, you get to start studying for finals. So you push yourself, and when you think you can’t push yourself anymore, you have to pick yourself up from the sobbing, broken mess you’ve collapsed into and push a little more.

Then you go take the exam, and you look at it and think “I have no idea how to answer these questions. Is this even the right class?” And it’s like the professor has taken the one tiny little thing you weren’t 100% clear on and make the whole test about it. Then you have basically three hours to justify to yourself and everyone else why you spent so much time working on this and why you were even insane enough to go to law school in the first place, and all it takes is to do bad on this ONE exam, and there goes the job that you had your hopes pinned on, the job you went to law school to get in the first place. One exam. Because that one exam determines your grade in that course, and that one exam could kill your GPA

So you manage not to cry and not to have a nervous breakdown and you eat every blessed one of the animal crackers you brought with you to snack on, every single one, all in a row real fast, because you are so freaking out and don’t know what to do, and you’re wondering if now is a good time to decide that law school was a BIG mistake, a big, $125,000 in student loans mistake. Then you take a deep breath, say a quick prayer, and get through it. And walking out of there, you either (a) feel pretty good about it, or (b) feel like you got kicked in the back repeatedly. And if you feel pretty good about it [picture me walking out of my real estate transactions exam saying to myself “nailed it”! like the guy in that Washington Mutual commercial], then you hear idiots in the hall talking about it and you realize everything you forgot to talk about, and then . . . see (b), above.

And then you get to go home and start over again.

So, um, anyway, I really hate finals, and if you could just be praying for me, I’d really appreciate it, because normally I have at least one exam that I feel pretty confident about going into and coming out of, and this time I haven’t had any, and I could use a break here. The Newsboys “Lord I Don’t Know” is helping—it’s like my mantra here—but really, I could use all the help I can get. I haven’t had a nervous breakdown or anything, but it’s not pleasant walking out of an exam thinking that I really suck at my chosen profession. And having people say “oh, you did fine,” does not help, because how, exactly, do you know that I did fine? I know when I don’t know the answer to a question. If I get a good grade, it’s only because everyone else did worse than I did, and there’s no way to know that at this point. But my friend very nicely pointed out that several people looked really upset after the exam yesterday, so I’ve got that going for me.

Man, what does law school do to you, that at the end of the exam, you’re scanning the room looking for tears and suicidal expressions, and if everyone looks beat down, you do a little dance inside and think, “man, I might have a chance at this.”

But let’s end this on a positive note. I’d like to say a few words about my Black & Decker Home Café coffeemaker. It’s very plastic-y, and every time I use it, I worry a little that I’m going to break the little handle off. It’s definitely not as nice as my parents’ Keurig. The coffee is not cheap. But it’s cheaper than Starbuffee (one time the Starbucks sign had some lights out, so it read Starbu ffee, so now rr and I refer to it as starbuffee [star-boo-fee]). And it’s super fast, and no clean up! Well, except for the coffee spray it spits out (little drops all over the counter), but dirty counters really bug rr, so I don’t even have to worry about cleaning it up, because I know she’ll do it. It’s really so super fab, because I don’t even have to measure the coffee, which is good because after however many years of drinking coffee, I was never any good at it. But this thing, I just have to press a button, and presto! Coffee. It’s maaagic.

Ok, I’ve procrastinated enough, so I guess I’d better get back to studying. Oh, wait, would you look at that? I drank all my coffee. I better go make some more. That’ll take up at least . . . well, 30 seconds actually. Stupid coffee maker. But man, those counters sure look like they could use a good scrubbin’. . . .


Deals On Wheels said...

Okay...calm down. RR is on her way to "entertain" the cats, so you can study.

Plus, I'm sure she'll clean the counters while she's at it.

I'm not sure you should drink any more coffee. I think that too much caffeine can cause a kidney infection, and while it is a small risk, it might just happen because...well...it's you and your taking finals and, well, it's just your luck (no offense).

When I get home tonight, I'll have Gypsy Kitty say her prayers for you. Actually, I'll have her pray for you over and over, because all the prayers can't hurt (and Gypsy likes all the treats).

Anyway, just take a deep breath and keep pushing a little more. You are almost done, and then you will have globs and globs of free time to do nothing except watch THE LORETTA YOUNG SHOW and have staring contests with Wally.


P.S. Have RR give you a hug for me. I promise that it will be a quick hug (if it's not, that's RR's fault). I don't mean to (virtually) invade your space by giving you a hug, but it really sounds like you can use one right about now!

Ben said...

I am SO praying for you right now.

Yuck. Hate that feeling. (feeling b that is...)

Keep your chin up.

Amstaff Mom said...


And we need to get together again, and soon!