Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Have you heard his morning show, wake up with Flem?

So the office temperature is set to “steam” this morning. That’s ok, I dressed for it. I was half afraid that it would be arctic in here, because it’s supposed to be in the 60s today, so why wouldn’t they have the A/C cranked up full blast? So I’m happy with the temperature. It’s a good thing, because I had picked out what I was going to wear last night, but then this morning I worried about it, whether the temperature in the office would be too cold, but because I woke up late this morning, I didn’t have time to change my mind.

Yessir, woke up late. That’s not unusual for me, but this morning, I was way late. So I look very much as though I got beat with the ugly stick this morning. When I left my apartment, my lips had a healthy, natural pink tint to them, so I didn’t bother with lipstick, so naturally when I got to work they had an approaching-death pallor to them. But that may have had something to do with the frustrating drive in.

It was so traffic-y today! I guess it always is, but I had forgotten how bad it could be, and I was stuck behind a huge pick up truck that I couldn’t see around. At least people were nice and let me over when I needed to change lanes, which doesn’t happen most mornings. Maybe they were afraid of me. My car does look a little banged up, so maybe I look like someone who doesn’t have insurance. All I know is, when I’m driving through the bad neighborhoods, I never get looks like maybe I don’t belong there. Partly it’s the missing hubcap. I’ve been missing one since last spring. I don’t know what happened. I just went out one morning and it wasn’t there. I did make an effort to replace it. I asked the place where I get my car repairs if they’d replace it, but they said they’d have to get it through the dealership and that would cost me too much, so they directed me to a less-expensive place that sells hubcaps. I drove to the hubcap store, but I got there after they had closed. And I haven’t been back, because although it’s only about 7 minutes away, it’s out of my way, and I am in fact that lazy. So I just go with it. I make it work.

Not all of the drive was frustrating. Being stuck in traffic gives you time to reflect. For example, I was noticing how, for some reason, I had the taste of bologna in my mouth—more specifically, a bologna sandwich. I’m not sure where that interesting variation on morning breath came from, but considering I had brushed my teeth before leaving this morning, I’m a little alarmed. Fortunately, I have coffee, and it’s replacing the bologna breath with old man, junior high shop class teacher breath. Mmm, mmm, good. Don’t you just wish you could wake up with that every morning?

Anyway, so I put on lipstick when I got to work, so not only do I look like I’m a resident of Uglysville, but now I have a neon sign. Look! Look at me! Uuuuug-ly!

Ok, it’s not that bad. But I will be trying to avoid the gaze of others today. Because you see, as some of you who do not wear make up may not know, it is a fact that if you put make up on before your face has had a chance to wake up, you face will actually freeze like that. Make up acts somehow as a preserver. It’s one reason why I try not to oversleep that much, and why I have been known to do jumping jacks first thing in the morning. I have to do something to look alert, or I’ll have people doing double-takes all day and asking me if I need coffee. Well, they’ll say “what happened to you,” but I always interpret that to be a polite inquiry into whether I need more tasty beverage.

But I’m here, I have said tasty beverage, and I’m about to go for seconds. I feel as though I might fall asleep at any second, but hey, only 8 hours to go!


Amstaff Mom said...

JLR, I have SO missed your posts like this!!! I swear, you, RR and I all have some of the same DNA.

The "running late, looking like I got beat by an ugly stick, death-pallor genes" have somehow been transfered from you to me.

I'm SO not awake in the morning, but I'm so asleep that it doesn't even cross my mind to get a caffeinated beverage. sigh.

You're still missing a hubcap? I remember the threats of torture and death if I attempted to roll my window down in the car. And something was wrong w/ the seatbelt too, right?

"Anyway, so I put on lipstick when I got to work, so not only do I look like I’m a resident of Uglysville, but now I have a neon sign. Look! Look at me! Uuuuug-ly!"

HA HA HA HA. You crack me up.

JLR said...

Thanks, AM! I've missed having time to post stuff like this. I'm glad you liked it.

And I'll have you know, those problems are with rr's car, not mine. And yes, there were problems with windows. Now the problem with the windows is gone and there is instead a door handle issue. But since we neither of us ever sit back there, we don't remember to get it fixed!

Deals On Wheels said...

Okay, so one of my favorite movies of all time is A MIRROR HAS TWO FACES. I know, I know...don't laugh. Normally, I cannot stand anything that stars Babs Streisand, but this movie is smart and SO funny.

Anyway, how this relates to your post:

It goes back to the whole "make-up" thing. In the movie there are a lot of funny moments/quotes involving make-up.

For example, Babs's character is a bridesmaid at her sister's wedding. She is wearing this hideous dress and everyone keeps asking her, "Why aren't you wearing make-up?"

Her response:

"I AM wearing make-up!"

I can totally relate to that! It’s like the harder I try to look presentable, the worse I look.

Anyway, continuing on, one of my most favorite quotes from the movie is when Babs's character and the romantic interest (played by Jeff Bridges) are on a sort-of "date" at the University where they both work. Babs's character is giving Jeff's character tips on how to be a better teacher. Anyway, an attractive female student from one of Jeff's character's classes interrupts and asks to make an appointment for extra help. This is the dialogue that follows:

BABS: “Pretty girl.”

JEFF: “With all that make-up? You don't wear any, do you?”

BABS: “l'd still look like me, only in color.”

JEFF: “You're too smart for that. You're a confident, no-nonsense woman.”

BABS: “l sound like an airline.”


I know that I’m probably the only person in the world that finds these things to be so hilarious, but I just had to share! Your post, for whatever reason, totally reminded me of the movie.

Thanks for making me smile!! :)

JLR said...

I also love that movie. It's been a long time since I've seen it, though. And I can sympathize. People, including some I've know for years, comment on how I never wear make up, when the truth is that I never leave the house without it.

Now I'm going to have to rent the movie. I'll get What's Up, Doc? and make a night of it.

Amstaff Mom said...

I haven't seen either one of those, but it sounds funny!

oops. That was Rachel driving that day, wasn't it. Sorry about that. I think I was still recouperating from losing my car keys in my shoe that morning.

Please keep up the posts!

Katie said...

ahahahaha "beat with the ugly stick" has to be one of my favorite sayings, I need to incorporate it more often. And yes I've been there. The worse is when one of the moms at school got our elem principal to come up and visit me because she thought I looked down. I decided to look at myself to see why she thought that and realized i just ran out of the house without makeup, and i looked BAD.

Ben said...

"Fortunately, I have coffee, and it’s replacing the bologna breath with old man, junior high shop class teacher breath."

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha ha.

That is a great line. BECAUSE we can ALL relate.

Ben said...

Not to the Bologna breath in the morning... that's weird...

But the shop teacher with coffee breath.

Just wanted to clarify

JLR said...

KT: Oh, you poor thing! I often get the "do you feel ok" comments because I look like I don't feel well. (apparently).

Ben: Haha! Yeah, right. That's what you meant.