Thursday, January 26, 2006

Please don't stop inviting me places. Just stop expecting me to say yes.

I have nice friends. That is, I’m friends with nice people, and my friends, as friends, are nice. They try. They put forth effort. They invite me to do stuff. Sadly, I’m not that kind of friend.

I used to be a good friend. I would go places to see my friends. But over time, the “good friend” character trait and the “lazy” trait have battled it out, and I’m sorry to say it, but lazy is way ahead.

I know what you’re thinking. ‘JLR, what a horrible person you are!’ But no! I’m not! I love my friends. I often think of them and hope they are doing well. I’m constantly thinking of all the nice things I’d do for them if I won the lottery. I love getting their e-mails. But not their phone calls. Because reading e-mails requires no input from me, but being on the phone does.

Really, I’m not a horrible person! It’s like a disease. This weekend, I really needed to read for class, but I didn’t, because I had left my books at school, and it was too far to go get them. School is just over a mile away. It’s a five minute drive. But I would have had to get dressed, find some clean matching socks, puts on my shoes, walk to my car, back out of my parallel parking space, deal with crazy drivers and, like, a hundred stop signs, park in the parking garage, walk across the street, go into the building, find the right key for my office, get my books, and then do the whole thing in reverse. It’s so hard! And just thinking about it . . . too much.

It didn’t used to be that bad. But like many diseases, it gets worse over time. For example, it’s too much effort for me to go check my mail. The mailbox is literally right outside my apartment. But it’s to the right of my door, and I always go out the gate to the left, so that would involve back-tracking, which first of all, I do not do, and second, that would require extra effort.

I eat mostly soup and other canned items because I can microwave them and there’s minimal clean up. RR and I have been buying a lot of soup from Central Market on our way home from work because (a) it’s already hot, so not even a microwave is required and (b) they give you plastic cutlery, so you don’t even have to wash dishes. Because washing two spoons takes that much effort. [RR’s note: and two bowls!]

It has gotten so bad that when the phone rings, I don’t even get up to see who it is. I screen my calls with caller i.d. usually, but now I figure I can just listen for the message and see if the person is worth walking all the way into the kitchen for. And if I’m somewhere where I can’t hear the answering machine, well, all my friends and family have my cell phone number. And if I can’t hear my cell phone . . . they’ll call back. Usually.

Why do I have to go into the kitchen to answer the phone? Because I’ve never plugged in the phone in my room in the year and a half that I’ve lived here. Because the plug is under my bed and that would require getting on the floor and leaning under the bed. But that’s not all lazy. You never know what’s under there, and I think it’s best not to look.

So, you’re probably thinking that I’ve missed out on some great opportunities by being so lazy. And that’s how I know that you don’t get it. Because those great opportunities I’ve missed? Don’t care! RR and I discovered quite some time ago that when it comes down to those things everyone says you’ll regret if you don’t do it, there hasn’t been one thing that I actually regret missing. BECAUSE I’M LAZY. So the effort it would take to do whatever it is pretty much will make it not worth it.

I just don’t want to become one of those shut-ins. Although, maybe I could do Meals on Wheels, and that would take care of the cooking issue . . .

8 comments:

Amstaff Mom said...

I thought I had already seen this title, so I went into your archives, and it wasn't the same one, but it was kinda similar.

"It's not that I don't like you, I just don't want to be around you"

Same idea, generally. It's a RECYCLED post! A lazy post, if you will.

What I don't understand is the "settling" for Central Market soup idea. Because their soup is heavenly, as is Whole Foods' so please do not take for granted its close proximity and convenience.

If I ever am invited back to your apt., I will plug in your phone for you. If you give me a cup of soup afterwards.

I really think I'm lazy, but I'm not feeling so bad now.

Ben said...

You're funny.

I am surprised you blog...

I would expect someone as lazy as you are to not make the effort.

:)

Deals On Wheels said...

I used to volunteer for MEALS ON WHEELS when I was in college.

Then, a local car company ran a DEALS ON WHEELS ad campaign to promote their big annual sale. They even made auto decals, so it was only a matter of time before one of my friends made off with one of them and stuck it on the back of my car.

The MEALS ON WHEELS people thought it was really, really clever and even went so far as to renamed my normal route DEALS ON WHEELS.

I guess it was kind of funny...

That decal stayed on my car for several years - even after I had to stop volunteering at MEALS ON WHEELS because of academic time constraints. I was still "Deals" and the sticker was still located on my "Wheels", so there was no real reason to take it off. Well, until it finally started to peel off, that is. Then it was just plain unsightly.

I think it is funny that you just rambled on for PAGES about how lazy you are, yet you weren't too lazy to write pages about being lazy. Hmmmmm...

I should get Trevor to cook for you sometime. He's really quite the chef, and I love to showcase his talents. My favorite is when he wears his little football apron. Yeah...I totally cannot keep a straight face! Hehe...

JLR said...

Ben: it's shame! Shame that motivates me to blog. Shame that my nice blog friends take the trouble to blog and I don't. That, and the fact that it's the perfect method of communication--I get to ramble on all I want, but I don't have to put forth the effort to have an actual conversation.

One friend and I have decided that we are perfect for each other, because we both like making plans but don't actually like carrying them out, so we happily make plans that we both know we'll never keep. It's great. I need more friends like that.

Deals: I rambled on because anything worth doing is worth overkill. That's why, for me, so little is worth doing. And I would love for Trevor to cook me dinner, because he lives right around the corner and because I could wear my comfortable "house pants" that have stains and cat hair all over them. Just like a restaurant without all the inconvenience.

Amstaff Mom said...

"Just like a restaurant without all the inconvenience". Because restaurants are SO inconvenient these days.

And now I know the story behind Deals on Wheels.

Deals On Wheels said...

Sometimes, when Trevor and I walk past your apartment, he says, "Why don't go over there and knock. I know that you want to say 'Hello'. They won't mind."

I tell him that would be inappropriate, because it would be unexpected and the twins wouldn't like that.

So, he responses with, "Well, I stop by sometimes with Alley to say 'Hi', and they always seem happy to see us."

I blink at him for a second before saying, "Yeah, I know. I'm pretty sure that you are breaking some sort of unspoken code when you do that."

TREVOR: "But they always seem to enjoy seeing Alley..."

ME: "This is true. They like animals, but I'm still pretty sure that they think of it as an intrusion of some kind."

TREVOR: "It's not like they know that it is me knocking on the door. It could be anyone."

ME: "Uh, yeah. They always know that it's you..."

TREVOR: "How?"

ME: "You all live in a gated apartment complex. How many other people do you know there that would come a'knockin' randomly on your door?"

TREVOR: "Well, there is that Stephanie girl..."

ME: "Uh, sweetie…she moved out, like, last November or something."

TREVOR: "Oh, really? I was wondering why I never saw her or her dog anymore."

*Alas*...poor Trevor.

Thank you both for taking such good care of him. He is a sweet guy (even if he can be completely clueless).

Katie said...

can I crawl inside your head for just a short time? please. I won't make a mess or move things around, I just want to experience what goes on in there.

JLR said...

kt: come on in! I'm not using it.