Monday, April 30, 2007

Just the Spoon Handles. That's All I Need.

So here’s something. I have this box of plastic cutlery. Notice I did not say “plastic silverware.” That’s like saying I have a cotton leather skirt. You can say “cutlery” or you can say “flatware,” but it’s not “silverware” unless it’s, you know, made of silver. Anyway, plastic flatware, box of.

Recently, I noticed that the box says “72 Total Spoons.” This statement bothers me. I mean, would there ever be a case where they’d say, for example, “60 total spoons and 12 partial spoons?” Would you ever be in the situation where you are on the plasticware aisle of the grocery store, hunting for a box that contains just spoon handles, or just the end part? “Oh, but see, I don’t need 72 total spoons, I just need spoon parts. This box of total spoons does not work for me.” I know they mean that the box has a total of 72 spoons, but adding the word “total” in there just makes it weird. Simply saying “72 spoons” would get the message across. Nobody reading “72 spoons” on the box would say, “ok, but how many spoons, in all, are in the box?” They’d read “72 spoons,” and say to themselves, “this box contains 72 spoons.” Or maybe they’d say, “I need 75 spoons. I have to buy a whole other box for three extra spoons?” But they would not be unsure of how many spoons they would have after buying that box.

I don’t know if all plasticware has this type of description. This box is sold under the Kroger private brand “Nice’n Strong.” It also bothers me that it isn’t “Nice ‘n Strong.” Here, the word “nice” and the word “and” have been contracted to form “nice’n.” That’s not a word, y’all. There should be a space there. I know I’m being overly picky, but when I’m bored at work, my mind wanders, and things start to bother me. I’m feeling all “Yellow Wallpaper” over here.

Do you hear that, Kroger brand “Nice’n Strong” packaging department? You are driving some of us crazy.


RR said...

Um, are you sure it's the spoons that are making you go all "yellow wallpaper"? And wow, it's been awhile since I've heard a yellow wallpaper reference. Nice.

James said...

I think the following skit from British comedy duo The Two Ronnies is applicable here:

"Four Candles" *LOL*

JLR said...

Fork handles! Loved it. Reminds me of some British sketch comedy show (can't remember which right now) I saw years ago. ("Watch yer language." "English.")