Thursday, June 07, 2007

Animate Animus

You know how some people believe that all things, including inanimate objects, have souls? Yeah, I don’t believe that. I just don’t believe that my lipstick has a soul.

But sometimes, sometimes, it seems that inanimate objects must be alive, because otherwise, how do you explain the fact that objects that are supposedly without life are not without spite? If you don’t want to call it spite, then you gotta admit that they have, at the least, a good dollop of schadenfreude.

I say this because sometimes it strikes me that when some object does something annoying, that It’s Doing It On Purpose.

You know what I mean. You yourself think the same thing when your computer just lays down in the road and refuses to do what you need it to do. Nope, I am not going to print, nor will I let you click on anything. Yeah, you’ve yelled at the computer, and you didn’t feel silly yelling at some plastic and metal non-sentient being, because you knew it was fully conscious and deliberately taunting you.

But I don’t think it’s limited to computers. No, it’s all things, all things out there in one giant inside joke, one great big conspiracy to bring frustration into my otherwise zen-like existence. At least, it feels personal when things are making my life just a weensy bit more difficult.

Can’t get the desk drawer to open? Or to close? Sometimes, no matter how irrational, I believe that the desk is doing it on purpose. Open my car door, reach over to the passenger seat to grab my stuff, turn around only to have the car door slam shut now that my hands are full? Ooooon purpose. Magazine that will not stay open to the page I want while I’m on the elliptical? Stack of things that won’t stay stacked? Stapler that is not jammed and is not out of staples but will not staple together two thin little sheets of paper? Absolutely deliberate.

What about you? I want to hear about what out there in the world is Out To Get You.
And now, the thought for the day, brought to you by the Surrealist Compliment Generator:
Your legs are like threads of cotton, though much thicker, and filled with weevils.


jes said...

I heart the compliment generator.

You are as dazzling as a pregnant cow attired in electrical sockets.

JLR said...

jes: You are a banana moon subverting the sun.

Emma Sometimes said...

You have weevil legs and is it catching?