I don't like the winds we've been having lately. Yesterday? Winds about 30mph, gusting up to 50mph. FIFTY! This is not one of those cold, windy places, thanks, that's why I live here. I don't like the wind that makes you look like you're in a cartoon, where you're walking, leaning forward, but literally moving nowhere (except maybe backwards). Today, while making an ill-advised trip outside, a coworker had to grab me to keep me from blowing across the street (she's quite athletic, and I'm so not).
But that's not what I wanted to talk about. I wanted to talk about how I don't like our new heating pad.
So, I don’t like our new heating pad. First of all, instead of having the old fashioned knobby-do or dial or such thing, it has a button to press that moves it up from one heating level to the next, and somehow I’m always pressing it one time too many, and then I have to go all the way around so that I’m clicking from low to medium-low to medium-high to high to low to medium-low (which is the setting that I want). And I click too fast multiple times, so it’s more like click-click- click-click- click-click- click-click- click-click- click-click- click-click- click-click- click-click- click-click- click-click- click-click-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-click-click-FINE-WHATEVER.
I’m pretty sure that I could press another button to go back down a level without having to go all the way back around, but somehow I can’t get it to work that way. I just get stuck in this loop in which I think I will be clicking forever.
Anyway, I also don’t like that it turns itself off automatically. Usually I’m very much in favor of any electrical heating implement that turns itself off. But I’m not worried that I’m going to fall asleep with this on my face and wake up with a burnt forehead or anything. This heating pad is for my cat. We use it to assuage the guilt we feel from keeping our home at near-freezing temperatures (and also to keep him walking around crying and from stalking us around, waiting for us to stay still long enough for him to attach himself to one of us). We put the heating pad on the medium-low setting and put it under his blanket in his favorite chair, and then he gets all warm and happy, and this makes him SHUT.THE.HELL.UP. And that makes the rest of us happy. But now I have to keep running downstairs to make sure it’s still on so that he’ll be quiet and not freeze to death downstairs.
So I’m not liking it a lot. But at this moment, right now, it’s still on, and That Cat has finally finally stopped sounding like I’m strangling him. So I’m going to go take my shower before he notices that I’m the bathroom a/k/a the one and only warm room in this place. That’s right, Wally. Waaaarm blankie.