Thursday, December 10, 2009

If this were only a marketable skill, I'd be rich

Just because we're twins doesn't mean that RR and are good at all the same things. When it comes to dancing, there is no comparison---RR got the full share of skill in that area. But I have my own area to shine when it comes to movement. Awkward movement, that is. I'm talking of course about being a klutz. My friends, I am good at it. RR is no slob in that area, sure, but I am a star.

Look, anybody can be clumsy. But me, I make it an art form. I'm a bumbling artiste.

Like tonight, for example. Anyone can lose her balance and stumble. But it takes true talent to lose your balance, stumble against the trash can, regain your balance by throwing your foot down perfectly onto the pedal, lifting the trash can lid to smack yourself in the sit-me-down-upon. That, my friends, is talent.

No, I mean it. The stuff I do on a daily basis looks like it was choreographed. That's good, because I think if you have to be graceless and uncoordinated, you might as well be entertaining at the same time.

Of course, my favorite clumsiness stories are from when I was in law school. I thought that I had blogged about it, but I can't find it anywhere, so here it is.

Second favorite clumsiness story (I swear I think I've blogged about this):
One day before class started, I was sitting in my chair. I had on heels, and I had them stuck between two rails of the chair underneath me. I do this all the time. I just like to sit that way.

I dropped a pen, and I leaned over to pick it up. The weight of me leaning over caused the chair to lean with me. I went to put my foot down to stop the chair's movement, only to discover that both feet were firmly hooked into the chair rails and weren't coming out, and I was going down. And sure enough, the entire chair tipped over, with me just sitting in it. Anyone can fall out of a chair. I give it a little something extra. My classmates were concerned that I might have hurt myself, but for me, it was just another day.

Absolute favorite clumsiness story:
One day I was walking to class, arms full of casebooks, backpack on my back. Heavy, heavy backpack with my heavy, heavy laptop tucked inside. I approached the door, but my arms were full, so I did what I usually did, what I had done successfully for years, first at work and then at law school: I pressed the handicap button with my foot so that the door would open by itself. And this did in fact work, as it had so reliably in the past.

But this time, I was wearing boots avec just a bit of a heel. And when I swung up my leg to push the button, I lost my balance and started to tip backward. I couldn't use my arms to regain balance because they were full. Being somewhat experienced with balance loss issues, I could have regained my balance with just my legs, resulting in a "I'm just dancing here" kind of movement, except that I had the aforementioned heavy, heavy backpack strapped on, and the extra weight just tilted me straaaaight backwards. Straight back. Down to the ground. On top of my laptop. Casebooks still firmly clutched against me. I wish, oh, how I wish I had it on film. I mean, straight backward. You don't see that very often outside of the movies.

And, naturally, because I have TALENT, when I had started to fall, as I tried to recover my balance, I threw my door-opening leg straight back down---hard---to the ground . . . .right into the nearly-waist-high paper recycling bin by the door. Which I took down with me, leg still inside it.

Ta-da! Bet you can't top that one.

3 comments:

jes said...

Oh, I like your new masthead!!

This story made me laugh. HARD. I totally don't remember you being klutzy when we worked together!!

JLR said...

Jes! Hello! I'm glad I was able to make you laugh. And I'm also glad that my clumsiness is not the characteristic that most readily comes to mind when you think about me. :) I promise you, though, I certainly spilled coffee on myself more than once when we worked together!

Deals On Wheels said...

Hahaha! Love it.