Saturday, June 26, 2010

"If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking the fire exit."

RR and I just rewatched the old Comedy Central Presents episode with Mitch Hedberg. Man, he was funny. No matter how many times I watch his shows, they still crack me up.

And since I don't really have time to do a full post right now, I thought I'd type up a few of his jokes.

I don't have a girlfriend, I just know a girl who would be really mad if she heard me say that.

[on playing golf] I never got a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. And that's way more satisfying . . . You're supposed to yell "fore," but I was too busy mumbling, "there ain't no way that's gonna hit him."

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy all day.

I bought a donut and they gave me a receipt for the donut. I don't need a receipt for a donut. I'll just give you the money, you give the donut. End of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I just cannot imagine a scenario where I would have to prove that I bought a donut. Some skeptical friend? "Don't even act like I didn't get that donut. I got the documentation right here."

If you have a few minutes and need a laugh, you should check out his bit about restaurant wait lists, which never fails to make me laugh out loud. And it will give you something to smile about the next time you have to wait for a table.

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