Monday, March 07, 2011

Allergies, The Sleepies, and Studying Fail

WARNING: I have The Sleepies! Boring Blog Post Ahead!

Today at work, I ate a piece of gooseberry candy that a friend gave me, and although I don't see how I could have an allergic reaction to any of the ingredients, something hit me pretty bad. I got to the point when I thought maybe I should use my epi pen, which, according to my allergist's instructions to me, means I probably should have. But if I did that, then I'd have to go to the doctor and explain what happened, and I really don't want my doctor to tell me that everything was fine and I'm just a big ol' hypochondriac.

Side story (it's related) (thought I'd already blogged about this but can't find it): I got a cold once in college, and I seriously thought I was almost recovered when actually, I had developed bronchial pneumonia. So my roommate ratted me out to my mom, who then drove down to my school and basically kidnapped me and took me back home to my doctor. My doctor said, "bed rest," and I said, "no, math test, gotta be back to school on Tuesday," and the doctor said, "haha, sure! Mrs. R, may I see you in the hallway for a moment?" So, no one would drive me back to school, but my doctor did give me a note for my professor, so I didn't cry. I was at least happy to have an unexpected chance to see my sister and also to maybe get to go to the Tom Petty concert that she was going to, but she and my mom both laughed in my face at me thinking this was a viable option. I was all, "It's outside, I can just lay down on a blanket," but no. So I was therefore forced to stay in bed with nothing to do. And then I finally, FINALLY realized, "hey, I feel so very crappy right now." And that's when I realized that I'm not any good at paying attention to how I feel.

So since that incident, if I have a cold that hangs on for a good period of time, I go to the doctor. And the doctor always tells me it's just a cold, and I feel stupid for wasting people's time. And so now I pay attention to how I feel but won't do anything about it. Whenever I don't feel well, I have these competing feelings of not wanting to go to the doctor over nothing and not wanting to wind up in the hospital out of sheer stupidity.

So, back to today: I wound up just taking an antihistamine and monitoring myself, and I did get to feeling better. But now for the rest of the evening, I'll be completely distracted by any new symptom. When I'm around other people, I underestimate the severity of any symptom that I might be having because I figure that if I pass out, someone will do something. But when I'm by myself, all of the responsibility is on me, so I freak out about every little thing. And because I don't want to overreact, but I also don't want to die (or get another lecture from my doctor), I have this constant dialogue going on in my head. "Now should I use my epi pen? How about now? Now should I?" My fear of either over- or under-reacting makes me very, very focused on my current physical state but completely unable to do anything about it.

It's bad timing on my part because I have a test for my nutrition class this week, and even though I'm not taking this class with any thought of pursuing another degree, I still can't not study. So this evening is my study night, and if my ability to focus is any indication of how the test is going to go, I better hope I do well on the other exams. Because if you were watching me this evening, here's what you'd have seen:

Me looking up flood blogs, start planning future meals.
Me studying.
Me going upstairs to get lotion, come back downstairs to find my cat in my chair. Move computer to another location, glare at cat, who responds with a "what?" look.
Me studying.
Me reading a runner's blog, then looking up new running shoes, even though at my current jogging schedule, I should not wear my current ones out until approximately 2026.
Me studying.
Me thinking about Nutella.
Me considering using my ottoman. Me staring at said ottoman and trying to move it with my mind. (Did not work)
Me studying.
Me texting RR.
Me freaking out that I might be getting hives.
Me calming back down.
Me realizing that my lips are really chapped and then, as a true OCDer, having to go get lip balm because unable to think of anything else, other than the fact that my neck itches.
Me thinking maybe I am getting hives and going to check out my neck in the mirror.
Me calming down again and realizing I'm really thirsty.
Me getting water.
Me studying.
Me noticing that I have a headache and that my back and ankle itch.
Me noticing that I'm holding my breath. (Why do I feel like I'm about to pass out? Oh, right, not breathing.")
Me studying.
Me noticing that I have distend-a-belly, which is what I call it when I get a distended stomach due to eating something that I'm allergic to. Spend a few moments patting my belly to comfort it. "It's ok, Tummy! You'll be ok!"
Me being really glad that I was alone when I started talking to my tummy.
Me making up a song, the only words of which are: "I am so sleepy, I think I might cry."
Me realizing it's only 6:30 p.m, and I'm already sleepy enough to go to bed now. Le sigh.
Me posting on my blog.

And now, I'm going to go finish off the jar of Nutella before RR gets home. And make some coffee. And then, for real, I'll study. Really. But, uh, don't ask me how my test went.

5 comments:

RW said...

I'm still trying to get my mind around gooseberry candy. I mean... just... why?

Deals On Wheels said...

Yeah. What is a gooseberry candy exactly? Part of me isn't surprise you had a reaction to it based, of course, on name alone.

Deals On Wheels said...

*surprised

JLR said...

Deals, I know, right? I should have been suspicious. It was candied gooseberry that had chili on it. Spelled "chilli." I guess that alone should have made me stay away.

JLR said...

RW--It was there?

I am kind of like a dog--I eat pretty much whatever gets put in front of me. And I have so many food allergies now that if someone brings me candy that I think is safe, I just go for it.

Also, the person who brought it to me was SO EXCITED to have found something she thought I could have, I didn't like to say no.

It was pretty good, actually, though don't take that as a recommendation because I have low standards. And also, the excitement may have affected my ability to analyze the flavor.