Thursday, June 30, 2011

Haters gotta . . . be as petty as possible, apparently

Not much news on ParkingGate, but based on today, either Coworker McPettypants doesn't have much of an "A" game, or she's lulling me into a false sense of security. Today's story is about a pot of coffee, a note, and a serious inability to leave well enough alone.

Here's what happened. Every day when someone makes the first pot of coffee in the morning, that person takes a paper towel, writes the date on it, and sticks it in front of the coffee carafe. This is a wasteful practice paper-wise, but it does help prevent those moments when you take a big swig of your first cup of coffee in the morning only to discover you're drinking yesterday's coffee. Anyway, I was the first person in the break room this morning, so I started the coffee maker going and went ahead and wrote the note and stuck it in front of the carafe. I was about to leave to go check my mailbox while the coffee brewed when McPettypants walked in.

She was startled enough to see me that she let out a "good morning." She seemed to regret it immediately. And then she ignored me.

I left to go check my mail. While I was gone, the coffee must have finished brewing because when I came back, McPettypants was gone, but before leaving she had poured the coffee into the carafe.

And she had replaced my note with one of her own.

And her note had a smiley face on it.

That's stupid, right? I mean, that's really stupid. You're feeling a little let down in the story, right? This seems like such a small thing, not something to get worked up about. Why am I even telling this story?

But that's my point. Why did she do it? What is her motivation? What went through head that made her throw out my note and write a new one?

Is this really her idea of sticking it to me? Because that's pretty weak. Or does she just hate me so much that she can't stand to get coffee from a carafe next to a note with my writing on it? Or does she need to take credit for making the coffee? Is the smiley face her way of flipping me off, or does she actually think if she pretends like she cares about cheering up any of the people we work with, they will start liking her even though she blames her screw ups on them?

I stood there for a good 30 seconds, coffee cup in hand, staring at that note and that stupid smiley face, trying to convince myself that it was my note and I just wasn't recognizing my handwriting, and she'd just drawn a smiley face on it for some reason. My brain could not accept the idea that someone would actually use the time and physical effort to do something so completely pointless. I was baffled. I still am. So I guess if her goal was to waste my time, then, well done, McPettypants. Touché.
You got me.

If this is the best she can do, if this is the kind of thing she's got lined up for me in her quest to . . . whatever she's trying to do, I look forward to seeing what comes my way.

Oh, and by the way, she's now parking one space over from where she had been parking, in a spot that is still not her assigned parking spot. And that's all I'm going to say about that.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Maybe she's a robot designed to make my head explode

I cannot even describe for you just how ridiculous is the latest work drama that I'm involved in. It is so stupid that I'm embarrassed to be associated with it, even though it's not my fault that it turned into this nonsense. It's so stupid. It involves parking, y'all. Drama over a freakin' parking space.

I won't go into the whole story, I'll just give you these four facts:

(1) I was assigned a new parking space at work.
(2) A coworker started parking in the spot next to my new space, even though that was not her assigned space, because she liked it better than her assigned space, and the person who is assigned to park there apparently never uses the space.
(3) Because of the size of the parking spaces and her vehicle, it is impossible for me to get into my space if she's parked there.
(4) I asked her to not park in that spot that was not her space because if she parked there, I cannot get into my assigned space.

And because of this, she became very, very angry. Because of a parking space, she hates my guts. Because of a parking space, she has started telling random coworkers how much she doesn't like me. Because of a parking space. BECAUSE OF A PARKING SPACE. Because I asked her not to park in the spot that wasn't hers, because her parking there meant I could not get into the spot that is mine. This is apparently worth of a blood feud.

I think what really set her off was when she came up with what I guess she thought was a winning point--she asked me, "well, what are you going to do if the person whose spot that is starts parking there"--and instead of getting flustered, saying "you win, keep parking there," or arguing with her, I just said I'd deal with it when it happened, "and anyway you said no one ever parks there, so it shouldn't be a problem." At that point, if she could have turned me into dust with her laser eyes, she totally would have.

I just can't, y'all. I just can't understand it. People who so badly need drama that they have to create it over stupid stuff, I just can't . . . I just . . . I JUST CAN'T. I really want to laugh, but also I am afraid that she will show up at my house one day with her crazy eyes and a knife.

Despite my fear, I seriously cannot wait to go to work tomorrow.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

It's a White Hole.

Ok, so, yesterday when I was talking to my coworker -- wait, let me clarify. In our little department, besides our boss, there are me and two other coworkers: Blerg Coworker and Super Nice Coworker. Super Nice Coworker is, by the way, incapable of standing up to Blerg Coworker (or most people, really). Anyway, Super Nice Coworker told me that our boss had asked her if she knew why I'd been upset at lunch.

At lunch, we started discussing a project, and my boss told me in what direction she thought we needed to go, and I said we could do that.

And then she told me why again. And I repeated that we could do that.

And then she told me why again. And then I said, again, we could do that.

And when I tell you that she repeated her reasoning, I don't mean that she elaborated or rephrased her points. She really just repeated what she had just said, to which I had responded in a way indicating understanding and acquiescence. And that made me so upset, I turned bright red, raised my voice, nearly started crying, threw my napkin on the table, and stormed out.

No, of course, I didn't do that. I wasn't upset. Not even a little bit. I may be a little unreasonable sometimes, but I'm not ridiculous.

I was, however, a little confused (and, honestly, a little amused) about how I'd managed to get trapped into a white hole.

So what is it?

Maybe it was my facial expression? Maybe my "wait, is she really saying the exact same thing again? Does she think I didn't understand her? But I said ok. So why is she repeating herself? Hmm. Have I lost the ability to speak and understand English? What is going on here? Ok, I'm just going to keep saying the same thing, too, and see where she takes this" face is the same as my "all worked up" face. Since I don't have a better explanation, I'm going to start practicing my "confused" face in the mirror so maybe I can be more facially explicit in the future.

I also might have a tone in my voice that I don't know about. I do sometimes have a tone in my voice that don't intend, an "I will kill you right now and also you are a moron" kind of tone. As you can imagine, unintentionally having such a tone can have some unwanted consequences. So I've worked on that one over the years. Maybe this is a different, previously undiscovered tone? So now I get to practice making faces and talking to myself in the mirror. That will not make me seem crazy at all. I'm sure it will help me a lot.

Ok, so, yesterday when I was talking to my coworker --