Tuesday, October 11, 2011

If These Events Were Sports, I'd Always Win Gold

I'm not athletic, not every close, although I sometimes take a stab at it.  But that doesn't mean I don't have certain areas in my life in which I perform better than the average person.  Oh, no, my friend, I have skills. 

Unfortunately, although the kind of skills I have make my life a little easier, they aren't exactly marketable.  For example:
(1) Tossing a bag of trash into a dumpster--even when the dumpster is really full. 
This really is a skill that takes developing.  You have to know where the bag will fit and how hard to throw it so that it sticks the landing.  You can tell that not everyone can do this by the bags of trash that can always be found surrounding a full dumpster. 

(2) Changing into comfortable clothes. 
I don't like wearing constrictive clothing, a category that for me includes jeans and everything I wear to work. As soon as I have verified that I won't have to leave the house for the rest of the day, or at least for a few hours, the pants are off like a flash, and (usually) the yoga pants come on. I'm seriously fast. 

(3) Getting out of the vehicle as soon as it's come to a stop. 
I'm always the first person out of the car. I don't know what takes everyone else so long. I don't see what they're doing because I'm out of the car. It baffles me.  Seat belt off, grab your bag, open door, exit.  Where the delay comes in is a mystery.  What are you people doing in there?

I'm thinking I need to develop some new skills, or else find a way to make these skills work for me in a way that pays.  I'd be a terrible actress, so I don't see how the quick-change ability could come in handy.  While trash-tossing could be a fun hobby, I don't see that translating into a job.  So that leaves the getting-out-of-the-car thing.  I can't think of how that would work in a job that's legal.  I can see that getting out of the car fast would be useful if one was fleeing from the police after knocking over a bank, but that's it.

Ideas? Anyone?


Lee Farrand said...

Lower tier superhero with comfortable costume, using own car for transport, specializing in returning neighborhood trash bags to their rightful positions.

JLR said...

This made me literally laugh out loud.

That's actually a fantastic idea for a story AND for me in real life.