Monday, July 15, 2013

The Dentist, The Lasers, and The Chews

So, that stomach ache I mentioned in my last post is still happening.  But that's ok! I eat a lot of toast, and that helps.  Drinking water does not. But I'm really thirsty lately, so I do it anyway.

I had to get three fillings at the dentist the other day.  The assistant told me they would be using a laser, and my reaction was basically, "wait, what?"  I tried not to sound nervous because I don't want to be one of those people who is scared of the dentist.  I managed a comment about how that sounded old-school James Bond, in a tone that I hope sounded casual and not at all "I'm asking you if this is a torture device of some sort."  She and the dentist lauuughed, and then my dentist told me about the James Bond box set she got her husband for Christmas.  I admit it sounded cool.  But in all things, timing is everything.  I don't want to chat about movies, I want to know why you're using a laser and what the possibilities are that it could all go horribly wrong.  I saw Goldfinger, thank you very much.  I know what lasers can do.

But it went ok, as ok as fillings can go, although despite the lasers, I still had to deal with The Drill.  Then I came home and ate yogurt with banana for lunch, accidentally mushing half of it out of my mouth as I chewed.  That's why I chose to work from home that day.  Nobody wants to see yogurt and partially-chewed banana oozing out of somebody's mouth.  That's just gross.

Two of the fillings were actually re-dos of previous fillings that I'd managed to pull loose.  My dentist had warned me that eating sticky candy was the worst thing I could do for my fillings, to which I gave a vague, noncommittal "Oh, you don't say" kind of answer.  I'd be surprised if I didn't do the shifting eyes side-to-side thing much favored by fictional characters.  I love Reeds brand ginger chews, and of course, I had every intention of continuing to eat those chews so long as she did not expressly say, "You must stop eating stick candy."  No one could honestly deny that ginger chews are among the stickiest of sticky candies.  
But naturally, after I had to get these three fillings redone, I laid off of them.  I mean, for that day.  Nobody faces lasers and The Drill and then immediately signs up for more.  I waited a good twenty-four hours before I ate another one.  And I'm pretty sure I pulled one of the new fillings loose.  So I get to have more fun with lasers.  Yea!  Can't wait. 

In my defense, ginger chews help a lot with that stomach ache thing.  On the other hand, it's possible I'm slightly allergic to them.  But to paraphrase Louis C.K., you just gotta weigh that against how much you want your stomach not to hurt.  For now, I choose the chews. 

While we're discussing dentists, may I ask about your dentist's purchasing habits?  It seems like every single time I go to my dentist--and I go regularly, twice a year--she has some new gadget she's bought.  I can't help but think that this is why it costs so much to go to the dentist.  I really don't want to pay for lasers if something less expensive does just as well, especially since in the end, they just break out The Drill just as always. 

On the other hand, the hygienist did give me two toothbrushes, two tubes of toothpaste, and THREE containers of floss at my last cleaning.  I don't know if she's making up for the fact that I'm paying for a laser, or she just thinks I'm nice and she knows I like to floss.  Could go either way.  Or maybe she's grateful that during the trip before last, I told the office manager that they just needed to suck it up and upgrade to a new operating system because Microsoft wasn't soon going to stop updating XP.  I happen to know that the hygienist was tired of their old computer system.  Who knows? I have to say, there's something not right about an organization that's buying lasers but also still using XP.  I'm not sure what it says, but it's not a good sign.